Amidst the hell-like schedule with deadlines accelerating towards me. period's here. and i'm recovering from sorethroat, flu and blocked nose..can get really cranky and emotional..especially when i'm missing my sweetheart. and i'm tearing up every few hours..

i feel like people around me have been under lots of emotional and mental stress or unhappiness and somehow it accumulates and i have to be the one absorbing all that unwieldy offscourings. I'm not complaining but for my closer girlfriends..it might be due to the pheromones..and that all our periods come at the same time...thus the increased frequency and magnitude of mood-swings and it's unprecedentness. ARGH..and for my family, it could be the pent-up frustrations. I don't mind lending an ear (in fact, both ears!)to all they have to say but please don't vent your anger on me. Please don't take it upon me. I view them as hazardous material on my road to self-healing..

I wonder is it easy for them to express something they're unhappy, sad or worried about to someone who's close to them. Is it normal? How do you even cry in front of someone? I wonder if they do feel better after they do it. Then i start to think about why i don't have a history of confiding my innermost feelings even to my closest loved ones. Maybe that's why i don't usually talk about anything unhappy about my life. I keep them all within me. And if you have the key to unlock those thick heavy chains that weigh my spirit down, i will pour my sorrows and you'll realise i haven't been introducing the real me all these while.. How can i not be FAKE then?! Even if tears are concerned, i have always wept in silence..

Mary, thank you for the talk you wanted to have with me..I felt better now that your opinion of me has changed. It's not that i have no interests in the arts and that i'm just a student that doesn't bother. Thank you for hearing me out. Thank you for asking me if something was wrong. For asking me if i had something troubling me. For being concerned. For treating me as a friend.

you could be right about me...i don't know yet. do you really think my expectations for myself are very high?

The weekend has been a very engaging one with someone special..Thank you for taking care of me when i was sick..for the stroll to the playground. slow dance so that i felt better. candle lights treatment for the vexed soul. You really surprise and cheer me up with the sweetest things you do. =)

Thank you for being open with me about the problems we face. And no, AGAIN. I do not feel obligated. At least it wouldn't be the word to describe how i feel. I do love you..Please understand that my dear.